We came down to the lobby and it was dead silent. I went up to a receptionist to ask for a broom. She went back to get me one and sat on her chair again. I started to head for the elevator again and didn’t see Shane anywhere.
- …? I called. I found a broom, let’s go up and...
He jumped out from behind the corner and I screamed with fright.
- Shit! !
laughed at me.
- I’m so sorry! I couldn’t help it! Jeez, bet you woke up the whole hotel.
I went away to sit on a couch in a dark corner and tried to make my heart stop beating so fast.
- , you okay? I’m sorry I scared you! said and went after me.
- Just give me a moment, man! I said and leaned back.
The reception was out of sight but the receptionist called:
- Is everything allright miss?
Me and just glared at each other and smiled.
- Yeah, I’m okay. Just got scared of something! I called back.
We burst out in laughter.
- Come on, let’s go back up. I said after a while, took the broom and went for the elevator.
I pressed floor six and the doors closed. When we were somewhere between flooring three and four, pressed the stop button. The elevator was full of mirrors and had a weak pale golden light and a soft saxophone played a sweet song for us.
slowly went up to me just stood there watching me.
- Seriously? I asked with an excited grin on my face and felt the heat spread. nodded and moved a strain of hair from my face. My heart beat raced in double speed again. His face was just so gorgeous in this light and the way he looked at me was more than I could take. I grabbed his face and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He smiled into the kiss and started to touch me all over and I tugged in his shirt, desperate to feel his skin under my hands. We were all over one and other and fumbled with each others pants all the time kissing.
Suddenly the elevator started to move. We didn’t stop at first but reacted pretty fast after a second. swore under his breath while we started to fix our appearances. The elevator went down to the entrance floor and the doors opened. ’s shirt wasn’t even fully closed yet and my hair was a mess. Outside there were two Japanese girls who entered and pressed the fourth floor button. They giggled when they saw us and pointed at and started to sing some sort of version of My Love; forced a smile. The girls kept on giggling and asked if it was okay to take a picture.
They gave me their mobile phones to take the picture while they posed next to . I grinned when I saw that he had buttoned his shirt wrong and his cheeks were still rosy and the dark hunger in his eyes wasn’t really gone either when he looked at me through the lens. It made my heart race again. We came to the fourth floor and the girls turned to me and said:
- You are a lucky girl.
- I know. I smiled brightly.
The doors closed again and we went up to our floor.
- I hate Japan… muttered when we came to our door, I laughed.
- It’s not their fault and besides there were cameras in there, would you really like our first time up on You Tube by tomorrow?
He smiled at that and sighed.
- Maybe not…
He was about to unlock the door but something came over me and I grabbed his arms, turned him around and pushed him up against the door and kissed him flamingly, he was surprised by the sudden kiss but reacted to it and held me tight. After a long while we slightly pulled apart.
- , what… he gasped.
- Let’s go inside. I whispered and took him by the hand.
The door to the suite opened and in tripped and trying to be as quiet as possible not to wake anybody.
- Ahhh, shit… I heard hiss. He had accidentally stepped on some broken glass.
- They were supposed to wipe the damn floor.
- Ssshhh. hushed and pulled him into an empty bed.
They giggled and disappeared under the covers kissing.
I frowned and watched the time, they had been gone for a while and they were just down there to get a broom… weird. munched in his sleep and I kissed him lightly on his lips and went back to sleep.
- You had fun last night? I asked and smiled at a little girl who happily took a flyer.
didn’t answer me at first, just looked exceedingly happy, I pushed her lightly.
- ! What’s with you?
- Just so God damn, head over heels, out of my mind in love with him! She smiled.
- You came back after forty minutes!
- Well, let’s just say we had a little fun in the elevator…
- ! I said again.
When we were done we all went in to the arena. Dave led us to the side of the stage so we could watch them closely and to see all those fans in the front row was entertaining. It was the last night in London and the boys gave it all. took up her mobile from her pocket. It was a text from .
Hi doll. We are straight off after the show so gather the girls and prepare to leave. Louis wants to talk to you soon.
- What’s that all about? She asked when she showed me the message.
I just shrugged but remembered what had said a few days earlier about the last show.
I went backstage to meet up after the show as I usually did when I had watched it. The girls had already gone out to meet up with . I met the lads when they came down the stairs after a great show and were all knockabout and happy. grabbed me and spun me around.
- You were amazing! I said kissing him. You were all amazing! As usual.
- Thanks ! You’re coming with us tonight? asked.
- You bet your arse she is! said.
- What? Well, okay! I said and called to inform him I was going with the lads.
I was sat in the bus while the guys went to change. After forty minutes they entered the bus with their softie pants and sweat suits on. had brought an extra pair of his softies and gave them to me. Then we all sat in the couch and watched a movie while we were off to our next city.
When the movie finished the lads wanted to see another one. I was so tired and almost fell asleep sitting next to .
- You wanna go to sleep, babe? He whispered and hugged me tightly.
- No no I’m awake. I murmured.
- We’re going to bed lads. I heard say and we got up.
We went upstairs to the beds where it was dark and quiet. We only heard the others laugh at something downstairs. I yawned and stretched. BR> - Do you have any idea how sexy you are? I heard say from behind me. I frowned and looked down at my outfit. I had ’s big loose-fitting clothes on and my hair was in a sloppy pony tail and I had removed my make up. I looked at him in disbelief.
- Really…?
- Really.
- Well, not as sexy as you. I said and without further comments I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. One of his hands searched its way under the sweat shirt and rested on my lower back while the other caressed my bum. Our kiss grew stronger and so did my emotions. I felt the scent of his after shave and it drove me nuts. He finished the kiss and watched me while he pulled his sweater over his head. I felt like I was gonna faint by the sight of his muscular body. I just stood there until started to grin and carefully started to pull down my zipper of his sweat shirt that I was wearing. When he came half way down he noticed that I didn’t wear anything under it and it shocked him slightly. He stopped unzipping me not sure what to do. It was my turn to grin and I took a hold of his hand and together we pulled down the zipper all the way and he divested the big sweater from my shoulders. His breathing got heavier and he wouldn’t stop stare at me. I let him do so for a while and observed him. The most beautiful creature in the world was in front of me looking at me like he was thinking the same. I was completely overwhelmed and took a hold of his chin to make him look up and leaned into a kiss again. It drove him back to the moment and suddenly his hands were everywhere.
led me to his bed and we slid into it and closed the drapery all the time kissing. He took a hold of my pants and removed them. Now I only had my panties on.
- Not completely commando, what a shame. He grinned and I giggled and enjoyed him savouring my body with his mouth.
While the bus drove us to Birmingham through the rainy night he made love to me.
I woke up a few hours later still all up in the love making. was fast asleep on my arm. It was very hot and I just had to drink some water. Carefully I left the bed without waking and found my panties at the foot of the bed and ’s sweat shirt. I heard the others sniff behind their draperies. I went down the stairs and jerked by a dark figure who sat by the table.
- ? I whispered.
- Hey you, he said, you can’t sleep either?
- Well, I just had to drink something. I said and went for the faucet.
- It’s so hot up there. I said and sat down in front of him. He didn’t say anything.
- What’s up? I asked.
- Nothing.
- likes you, . I said and but didn’t move his face.
- How do you feel for her? I asked.
- You want to know, ?
- Yes.
- Right… me too. I mean sometimes it just feels so right with her but I feel guilty
- For ?
- …and . I just don’t know.
- Yes you do. Somewhere in there you know what to do. But you can’t keep up this charade. You need to be fair and choose some day. Just follow your heart.
- Thank you, . Guess I needed to hear that from someone else than the lads.
We were quiet for a while and watched the sun rise beyond the fields.
- So, you and , aye.
- Yeah, I can't believe it... everything has just gone so fast.
- Tell me about it, you girls came here and changed everything.
- Well, you guys have been shaken our lives as well.
- Are you in love with him?
- Like you wouldn’t believe.
- Good. You probably noticed but he’s in love with you as well.
- I’ve noticed. I said and thought back a few hours and let the heat run through my body one more time.
We had been driving all night and I had slept the whole time. Now we were at our motel in Birmingham. The sun luxuriated and it was really hot outside. I had received a text from who said they had arrived at the hotel and they were planning on going to a beach before the sound check. We all wanted to and after a while two vans were outside our motel and we jumped in. and the boys were in our van and some life guards among others were in the other.
- Morning glory! shone with his sun glasses on. They were all really summery dressed and I was glad I had had a chance to change into a short skirt and a bikini top under my vest.
- It's thirty degrees outside! glossed and had her long hair in a pony tail and a pink beach dress on.
I sat on the jetty letting my feet cool off in the water. We had found a small distant beach where we were all alone except an older couple who sat in their chairs reading. and were already in the water competing who could swim to the ness the fastest. I leaned on my hands and enjoyed the sunshine. Suddenly I felt the water splash in my face.
- Hey!
- I must say I enjoy my job sometimes. grinned.
- Oh yes… I said and pushed him into the water but he grabbed me so I fell with him.
- Aaaaaah!!!
I crawled up the stage still pretty shocked after the cold dip. hawked loudly.
- What! I asked but quickly got aware of what he referred to. A few feet away my bikini top bobbled on the surface. I immediately put my hands over my chest and sank into the water again. took some strokes and grabbed my top and swam back.
- Ahh, thanks . I said and reached out for it.
- Oh, not so fast! He said and climbed up the latter and flashed my top around in the air. I gave him a determined look and climbed up after him doing my best not to reveal myself.
- Give it back!
- I got it for you, you don’t think I deserve a little somthin’ somethin’?
- Oh yeah? So now you...
His lips silenced me and I forgot where I had my hands and let them embrace him.
He gave my top back and I put it on. I threw a glance over at the beach where and lay on a blanket and didn’t really seem to have in mind to take a swim.
- Come on. said and ran to the beach.
- Hey guys! grinned and shook off his water over them. quickly sat up by the surprise and before he could react and grabbed him by the arms and feet and started to drag him to the edge, where they threw him into the water.
- Next one… said and turned to who had followed us out but quickly realised her mistake. She started to back towards land but grabbed her and lifted her up in his arms and ran out and jumped into the water with her. At last all eight of us splashed around in the water splattering on eachother.
- Come on guys we have to get back! I looked up and saw Dave in bathing shorts eating an ice cream.
Chapter 15
- Hey guys get your asses up from the water! Dave said while he mouthed the last of his cornet. We all gave eachother a sneaky look and started to splash water up on him while he tried to cover himself with his arms.
- Heeeeey, stop that, I mean it, stop! Dave yelled but not long after he was as wet as the rest of us.
- You're gonna pay for that! He said and started to go back to land but turned and ran back out and jumped into the water formed as a ball. The water splashed all over and we all had a water fight until I started to freeze and climbed up the latter.
- Weren’t we supposed to leave Dave? I grinned.
- Not yet! Dave shouted and tried not to get drowned by and .
I went back to our blanket, dried off and lay down to work on my tan. I enjoyed the heat and dozed off. Suddenly I felt a body on mine. It was freezing cold and wet.
- Ooohh!! God, , get off! I yelled and started to push him.
- Nooo, you’re so warm.
- And you’re cold! I laughed but stopped pushing him when he started to kiss me sweetly.
- I can’t take it when you’re only wearing that bikini. He murmured. I smiled and kept on the kissing and inhaled the sweet scent of water that came from him.
After a while the others came up and started to get changed.
- Let’s go. Dave muttered as if he was ashamed for having a bit of fun.
We went to the cars that were scorching from standing in the sun all morning. I almost fell asleep in the back seat leaning my head on ’s shoulder and he had his head on mine. We came to the LG arena where the concert would start later that night and two nights after that.
We sat for a while watching the lads sound check. My eyes never left . I was astonished by his voice every single time he sang. Shivers went down my spine when he hit the high notes.
Right before the show after we had worked we stood in the back wishing them good luck before heading out there to watch the show. They were all dressed in leather and looked very masculine. went up to me with an excited smile on his face. I had changed into another dress, a brown long one and my hair was out and all smoothened by the sunny heat and water.
- Wish me luck, beautiful. said while putting his arms around my waist. Back stage was one of few official places we could let the guard down since everyone back here already knew about us.
- You won’t need it. I smiled and touched the hard material of his sleeves.
- Pretty please, it would mean a lot, coming from you. He said rubbing his nose against mine.
- Good luck, babe. Break a leg. I kissed him and he hugged me tighter.
- Come on Romeo, show’s about to start! said and went off with the others.
- See you later. said, kissed me quick and walked away.
I just stood there watching him disappear and walked on clouds back to my girls to head out and watch the guys do their thing.
- Nothing beats this! said and twined the cheese from her pizza around her tongue and took a bite. We sat out at a fancy pizzeria and let the sunbeams hit our faces. I wore sweat pants and a T-shirt. The others had also taken a day off from their make up and here we were, four best friends just sitting in a local restaurant having a good time. This was the last day of our visit in Birmingham and every day had been as sunny and hot as the first day on the beach. burped loudly.
- Hepti! The three of them blurted and I who had my mouth filled with pizza got three hits in my head before I knew it.
- Oh yeah? Well bring it on! I guffawed and grabbed a pepper mill as a weapon. Right then a waitress came out looking funnily at us. I gave her an innocent smile and kept on eating my pizza.
- Never... again! moaned and shoved the plate out of her sight.
- Remind me of this next time I suggest pizza… said and leaned back taking a sip of her beer.
- Are we going out tonight? I asked.
- Yeah… groaned holding her belly.
- Oh, I said and didn’t really want to imagine myself getting up from my seat leaving the nice evening sun and press my self into a tiny dress… never!
Later that night
laughed out loud and swung her long hair. threw himself at her and spilled a glass of champagne. I quickly jumped away and instead the liquid washed over . giggled hysterically and sank her drink in one sip.
The night had flipped out pretty fast. We had left the restaurant and gone back to out motel to get ready for the night, my stomach had still been full when I pressed myself into a pair of white pants and a loose top. had a light yellow top and a tiny white skirt that showed off her newly tanned legs and now had a really hard time keeping his hands away.
More and more people attended our group and I feverishly tried to remember all the names. , , , and were on the dance floor dancing the night away when it came more champagne, so they quickly ran back to our table.
- Give it! yelled to who opened the bottle and the cork popped and hit in the face. He flew back and held his forehead.
- Aaahh!! Shit that fucking hurt!
grabbed some ice cubes from the bucket and pressed it up against his face which made him scream even more. The rest of us laughed loudly.
- Well, I'm off now. said after a few hours. And you’re coming with me. and had taken off almost an hour ago and the rest of our gang were at other places around the club that was closing shortly. I obediently rose from my spot and had to grab the table not to fall. We left the bar basing ourselves on each other and found our selves a cab. Inside the hotel we got the key to the room and went for the stairs.
- Which floor? I asked.
- 16th. He said and I howled.
- You kidding!
Laughing we climbed up the stairs and after fifteen minutes we were up.
- I made it! I roared and collapsed on the floor.
- Ssscchh!! hissed and tried to look serious.
- Don't you sshh me!! I said even louder and we both burst out in laughter. lost his balance and felled into their door. I laughed even harder well aware that I was as wasted as he was.
- Fuck, ’s gonna kill us if we interrupt them in something. said and started to dig in his pocket for the key and after a while he said:
- So… do you have it?
I shook my head, no key. We must have lost in on the way up. started to bang on the door. No answer at first. He knocked again.
- !
No answer.
- ! You guys in there?
- No! We heard ’s voice and we laughed.
- Let us in man!
- Get another room !!
- We don’t have a key and the others are still at the club, let us in!
A silence fell and after a short while the door opened. stood there with only boxer shorts on, ruffled hair and a blushed grumpy face.
- We didn’t interrupt anything did we? I asked with giggles in my voice.
- Shut up . said from ’s bed and we laughed even harder.
- Sorry man! grinned and dunked on his shoulder before dragging me to his own bed. went back to and they both disappeared under the covers.
- Stop giggling! hissed but giggled as hard himself.
- No you stop!
- If you both don’t stop I’m gonna come over there and kill you! snarled and it sounded like he had his head deeply buried into a pillow. put his hand over my mouth.
- Do you think you could be quiet now? I nodded and quickly started to unbutton his shirt and he immediately started on my bra.
- Damn it, the bikini was better, he whispered.
- Wait, what about…?
I referred to and . We quieten and listened. We heard kissing noises coming from their bed, so we smiled at each other and kept on doing what we were doing.
- Good morning.
I opened my eyes and smiled at .
- Morning sexy.
- Feeling allright?
- I dunno, got a headache. I said but smiled at the memory of the night. What time is it?
- 1pm, he said and the panic immediately hit me.
- Shit, we’re off to Cardiff at 3!!
I turned to tell and but they weren’t there and I rose from the bed.
- I can’t feel my legs.
My phone rang. It was .
- We’re leaving now, where are you?
- Where the hell are you? You could have woken us!
- You answered when I asked if you were awake so… get your ass over here.
’s waiting. I jumped into my clothes from yesterday, kissed and ran out.
We all stood on the parking lot about to leave. I was just about to enter the tour bus when Andrew called me from the other bus.
- ! You’re going with us today! Louis is in here.
- Right! I said and started to walk over to them.
- Where do you think you are going? called after me.
- I’m going with the band; Louis wanted to talk to me.
When I was inside Louis sat down at a table and I went up to greet him and sit down.
- As you know, , we all heard you sing the other day… spoke to me and he wants to see you on stage at the last concert in Dublin and if you want a career and you're ready for it, I will do anything to help you.
I just sat there all stunned.
- Do... do you think my voice is capable for a career? I asked.
- If you are.
- I am!!
We came to Manchester a couple of hours later and when I left the bus and immediately started to look for . He was walking in my direction and I almost ran over to him.
- So, did you guys… he started but stopped when I threw myself into his arms.
- Did you talk to Louis? I whispered.
- Yeah, guess he told you everything.
- He did, I tweeted and kissed him.
- Can you believe it! Oh my God. I mean Croke Park! We are so going to party tonight!
I grinned when we worked later on that night. Now we were so used to this we just let out arms and legs do the job and we could focus on talking.
- I don’t think feels for it. muttered and slapped her. I stopped in a movement.
- What? What do you mean?
- was calling him and texted him the whole way here, apparently having second thoughts.
- No... What? No, she’s dating...
- The divorce hasn’t even started yet, . said.
- But he… what did he do? What did he say? I was starting to feel numb.
- He was pissed of course but decided to answer the phone at last.
- And?
- Well, we don’t know really. You should probably talk to him.
I was standing backstage almost the whole show waiting for him, building up my courage. When he came down we walked for a while until it was less people. Then he stopped to kiss me but I dodged.
- Why didn’t you tell me about ?
sighed.
- It’s nothing babe, she’s just confused. We all are.
- So what does this mean?
- Nothing.
- Why should I believe that?
- Because I am telling you!
- come on, she wants to get back together with you!
- Maybe.
- And that is nothing to you!?
- It doesn’t change anything! Don’t make such a big deal about it.
- You answered her!
- She wouldn’t stop calling.
- Turn off your phone.
- …
- What?
- It doesn’t mean anything to me! Okay?
I didn’t say anything. He took a step forward and held on to my shoulders.
- Okay?
- Fine.
- Good, I’ll see you later.
He walked away to get changed and when he was gone I screamed fiercely and kicked a chair.
The door closed behind so I woke up. She was going to the arena to have a meeting about her achievement at the Dublin show. I tried to go back to sleep, it was seven thirty and I didn’t have to go up yet. After an hour I gave up and went down to grab some breakfast.
- You up already? asked when I sat down at his table.
- Couldn’t sleep. I smiled.
- Well, if you’re not busy maybe you can help me with some paper works?
- Yeah sure, why not. I said while buttering my sandwich.
- Do you think you can handle this on your own now?
- Yes yes. I said and waved my hand.
left me alone in the little room and I just helplessly stared at the papers. Certainly all I had to do was to put them alphabetic order which even I should be able to do, it was only the amount that seemed hopeless. If I’d do this all by my self it would take the whole day. Michael had called for who had to go help him with something so I was alone. This shouldn’t be too hard I thought and put the first paper in the bundle. Two hours later I was going crazy. The base from the sound check dunked through the roof into my little office and I lost my concentration for the hundredth time. Come on now, ! If I worked this slowly I wouldn’t be done until the tour was over.
- Hello sexy.
I jumped in my seat. I hadn’t noticed that the music had stopped beating and now stood there with his hands on me. I looked at the papers that were spread all over the floor and turned to face him.
- Hello trouble.
He came closer and I had to fight the feelings that started to grow inside of me.
- I have to work.
- I know. He said and kissed my neck.
- Why do you make things so hard for me then? I asked and tried to sound annoyed.
- You want me to go? He asked while his hand wandered down to my breasts. I hawked.
- Well I don’t think this is a good idea. will be back any minute.
His breath tickled my cheek and I felt dizzy.
- I will leave you alone then. He said and laid his hand on my thigh.
- Do so… I choked and grabbed the desk not to fall apart, but he refused to give in.
- Sure.
- Yeah…
- See you later then. He leaned forward and gave me a teasing kiss on the corner of my mouth. I rapidly turned to kiss him but then the door opened, was back. I flew up from my seat.
- Shouldn’t you work, ? He asked. who seemed to think this whole situation was amusing let his hand slid into my back pocket. I tried to look unaffected and looked down, slightly embarrassed that he had to come in right that moment.
- I was just asking her where is. grinned and gave him his attention.
- She's on stage where you also probably should be. you’ve done a good job. Take a break. Now, leave both of you. said and we quickly slid out the door.
- You coming? I think is about to sing. said to me and together we walked off.
Chapter 16:
We had decided that I was going to be the support act for Westlife at the last few shows and then at the very last show at Croke Park. I was now up on stage to try on some songs. I saw enter the arena with by her side.
- Hey, you said you’d take the day off. I said to her in the mic.
- Work comes first. She said and smiled.
The boys had left the stage for me and were now seated at the front row. It was just me, Louis and the band who knew what I was going to sing. I had a few own songs that they liked. Andrew started picking on his guitar and I started to sing.
After forty minutes we had a list of five songs I was gonna do.
- Well done, !
I went down the stairs to greet the rest of the gang. came up to me first.
- You were brilliant! He said before the rest came up to us.
After a while I took ’s hand and led him to the chairs. followed us but realised he probably did better in following the others. We sat down.
- You didn’t answer me when I called you yesterday. said.
- I know. I’m sorry.
- No… I’m sorry. I know this must be killing you.
I nodded.
- You have nothing to be worried about though. He said.
- Everything has just been happening so fast.
- You have doubts?
- No! Never!
I took his face between my hands.
- Listen, of course she wants you back! She would be freaking mental not to. But I asked you loud and clear to make up your mind and…
- …
- No, babe listen, you are the one making big changes in your life. This has all happened so fast, maybe you’re not really getting that this is actually happening. You are separating from your wife to start a relationship with me.
- What are you saying?
I let go of him.
- I want to believe you when you’re saying you’ve made up your mind.
- But you don’t? He looked hurt.
- Well… I think we should go back to taking it slow.
He nodded and for two days we almost didn’t speak. Just did our jobs and tried not to do anything rush. I didn’t doubt him, or I didn’t want to doubt him. But so much had happened in so little time during a world tour, away from the real world. Maybe it was just a period of time in his life when he needed something else to happen and maybe when the tour was over and everything would go back to normal he would come back to his senses and to his wife and leave me and break my heart. So I tried to keep my distance to give him some space.
All though when I sat in a car to go to the airport he jumped into the car where I sat alone and told the driver to start the car.
- When will you stop ignoring me?
- I’m not ignoring you , just trying to give you some space.
- Well don’t! He said and kissed me.
It tinged and the little light with the seat belt symbol started to shine.
- Are we already there? I asked and looked at who sat next to me.
- No, we can’t be. Only some air pockets or something. He said and kept on playing with his phone.
- Guess, you’re right. I mumbled.
- Scared? He grinned.
- No!
Suddenly the plane jerked and lost a lot of height. I was glad I wasn’t that scared of flights, all though I was slightly jealous at and who was on the ground probably asleep in ’s car.
The plane jointed once more and the shakings just became worse and worse. My hand took ’s hand. The next second the plane shook so badly my Coca Cola can flew away.
- This is normal right! I shouted and watched .
- Yeah, it happens all the time. It’s normal. He said almost a little too certain.
The plane shoot back and forth and the power just grew stronger.
- This can’t be good. I said to . He didn’t answer me but his white face told me everything. The noise from the engines was deafening and I had a hard time thinking straight.
- , tell me that it is like it use to be! I almost begged with a panicky voice.
- It’ll be allright. He said but it sounded more like he tried to convince himself about it. People started to turn worryingly in their seats and loudly discussed what was going on. A crash came from the left wing and squeezed my hand. A few moments later it all went quiet. It jangled in the speakers. The panic was a fact.
I closed my eyes and saw my whole life run by. We sat a few seats away from the others. I felt like I had to turn to look at them but I couldn’t move. I was too scared. An air-hostess tried to walk down the aisle while yelling:
- Put on your seatbelts!
My breathing got uneven and my hand almost crushed ’s. He saw my fright and grabbed my face with his free hand.
- Take it easy babe. It’ll be allright. Breathe.
Somehow I actually got calmer. I loosened my grip of his hand and looked at him through my teary eyes. He was sweaty and his gaze became intense.
- I love you. He said.
I was just about to answer when we heard a voice from the speakers.
- Ladies and gentlemen, we have to inform you that our left wing engine is out of order, we'll do anything to recover the calm, so we have to force land on this big field below, we hope you enjoyed the...
It bunged up and went quiet.
- What the hell! I started and the plane lost more height and people screamed. I squeezed ’s hand again while praying to God. You just can’t do this, not now. You can’t take him away from me! You hear that!?
The plane made some turns that showed that the pilot still had some control. We came closer and closer to the ground until we were just about thirty meters above the field.
- Lean forward!!!
The second after there was a cacophonic noise and a huge impact… the plane had landed.
When everything finally went silent I raised my head. It was black and quiet. I felt myself and established that I was alive. I turned to who still leaned forward.
- , we made it! I said with a broken voice. No answer.
- ... I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. He was unconscious and blood flew from a wound in his forehead. I turned white and felt a big suction inside of me. I ripped off my T-shirt and pressed it against his head.
- Help… help! I whined. I heard people talk, cry and laugh. Many survivors.
- Help!!! I screamed and two men and an air-hostess approached.
- Help him! Save him! I sobbed. The man immediately started to call for a doctor.
- Is there a doctor in here?
- .
- !
was about to throw herself at us to hug us but when she saw she backed.
- Oh my God!
- If he dies, I die! I cried and pressed the sweater even harder against the wound.
Then a young man with glasses and a portfolio came up to us.
- How is everyone? He asked with a shaky voice and started to point his little lamp at me.
- Not me! Him! I said.
- Yes, remove your sweater. It’s okay.
I did as he told me and turned her face away when she saw ’s bloody face. I cried even harder and tried to wipe the blood away.
- Calm down sweetheart. He said and started to feel .
- He’s got a pulse.
He pressed the chair down so could lay back. He opened one of his eyes to point the light in it for some reaction. Then he cleaned the wound and the bleeding actually stopped. He put a limped over the clean wound and turned to me.
- He’s just knocked out, probably a concussion. It looks worse than it is. You need to wake him though.
After that he took off to help others.
- … I sniffed and shook him.
- Oh God. , I love you too, I love you so much. You have to wake up!
I kissed his lifeless lips.
- Wake up… please. Wake up!
Slowly he opened his eyes and stared up at me, confused.
- Oh thank God! I said and laughed a little through my tears.
- Good morning. He whispered. Where are we? Why are you half naked? Are you bleeding?! made an effort to sit up but he lay back with a painful expression.
- It’s okay, we’re in the plane, and you hit your head and past out and scared the hell out of me. Don’t freak out, this is your blood, but It’s okay, it’s taken care of. I used my shirt to stop it. And a doctor took care of you. I said and tried to sound brave.
- Baby... he started but didn’t manage to say more and closed his eyes.
- Oh no! Don’t you go away! We have to get out. I said and helped him to stand and went with the rest of the group out of the plane.
After a while everyone was outside. Ambulances, fire trucks and police cars were there and took care of everyone. We just stood there all together protecting eachother. I had been given a big shirt twice my size since my T-shirt was ruined and a blanket that I immediately enlaced around .
- … he protested but I ignored him and also went in under it hugging him tightly.
So there we were, in the middle of a big field in a starry night somewhere in Scotland.
It was dewy and kind of magical in all this chaos. People ran around talking on the phone and taking care of eachother.
- Excuse me. A police man came up to us.
- We have a car for you if you'd like to spend the night at the hospital.
- No it's okay; we have a show tomorrow and…
- , please! We would love that. Louis said and not long after we sat in a dark police car. Me and were still in our blanket.
- Did you mean it? I asked him quietly. He turned to me with a questionable look.
- Mean what?
- You know…
- That I love you?
I nodded.
- I did. I know it’s too soon to tell you, and you wanted to take things slow, but I didn’t want to take any chances since we might as well could had died.
I hit him on his chest.
- Don’t say that!
- You know what I mean. And it’s okay if you’re not ready to say it, I completely underst…
I interrupted him with a loving kiss.
- I already have, but it doesn’t count since you were knocked out and didn’t hear me. I whispered. He smiled at me and caressed my cheek.
- I love you, .
- I love you too. I realised up there that if there’s any person on earth I would want to die with it would be you.
I laughed slightly at him.
- I meant it in a good way. He added when he heard how it must have sounded.
- I know. I said kissing him again while cuddling up to him.
- Aaa hell that hurt! swore when a nurse fomented his forehead. I sat on another bunk with a mug of tea, still shaken.
- You were lucky, mister. The old nurse said and started to bandage him.
- Oh, this is not necessary. He protested.
- Yes it is, Superman. She chuckled but kept on.
- But I cannot wear this on stage, we are supposed to…
- On stage? With all due respect sir, you got a big hit if you think you can get up on stage tomorrow.
Right then I figured what that implied. What were we supposed to do if the tour got postponed? We had no where to live, we would have to go home, leave everything. I put the mug down on my knee and the warmth spread and lightened up the pain slightly.
- Ready? The nurse said and backed so could stand. He made a face out of pain.
- You okay, man? I asked.
- Yeah, well I think we all need a week off, after all. He murmured.
entered the room. She looked so tiny in the big shirt that went down to her knees.
- Hi baby. said and reached out for her.
- Oh look at you. She said and carefully touched his forehead.
We had two rooms to share. , and shared one, and me, and one. Images from the plane and the screams never seemed to stop, the hard landing and the relief that everyone was allright. Tears started to run down my face and I pressed my head into the pillow to stifle the sobs that came from me.
- , are you okay? I heard a voice from the other bed.
- Yeah, I’m fine. I said but my voice broke. He went over to my bed and I felt the sheet lift and he slid under it beside me. I turned to him and let the crying out.
- Ssscchh, it’s okay now. He whispered and swayed me like a child.
- I thought we would die. I sobbed and held on to him.
- Don’t cry, we’re fine, all of us. He rubbed my back and kissed my head and held me until I exhausted fell asleep.
Chapter 17
I fell asleep unexpectedly fast that night but I woke up when squirmed worryingly and groaned in his sleep right next to me. I sat up straight and watched him. He mumbled something and was breathing unevenly. I moved a bit away from him not to get hit by his arm. He had a nightmare and suddenly he couldn’t breathe at all. I got worried.
- … I said carefully not to wake .
He didn’t respond and fought for his breath.
- damn it, wake up! I hissed and grabbed his shoulders and jerked him pretty hard.
He woke up with a wheezy gasp with tears running down his face, holding on to me like he was going to fall.
- It’s okay I’m here! I whispered calmly but he still didn’t breathe properly.
- Now breathe, calm down, you had a dream, you…
I didn’t say more because he had violently turned me on my back, rolled on top of me and swept me into a strong kiss while still fighting for breath.
- God, … he gasped against my lips.
- It… was a dream… honey. I flapped trying to get my own breath back after his smoking hot kiss.
- Yeah, but it was so real. We were back in the plane, you died and I… I…he started to raise his voice in panic but I put my hand over his mouth.
- Sschh, people are sleeping and I’m not dead. I’m alive, see. I removed my hand from his mouth to caress his face.
- Please always be! Don’t ever die. He whispered now while taking my hand.
- I promise I’ll try.
The next morning we woke up by a nurse who came with breakfast.
- Foood!!! yawned.
We ate in silence before said that he wanted to walk
. - Yeah, let’s go check on the others. I said and hopped down from the bed. laughed.
- You look like twelve years old in that!
I still had the huge shirt on and a pair of big white socks. We went out but almost got steamrollered by a gurney that came towards us. lifted me away right before it could hit me. It flew past us with at least six doctors around. Lying in the bed there was a tiny little girl. She was unconscious and bruised all over. There was a woman running after them screaming and crying.
- Andreaaa! She yelled.
- Oh my God. I said and started to walk after them. The bed disappeared into another room. The mother screamed and banged at the door with three nurses trying to calm her down. I went up to them ignoring ’s protests.
A crying woman sat in a chair with holding her. Two nurses tried to help by handing her coffee and tissues. just stood there keeping an eye on them. was also there talking to a doctor. I went up to them. The woman was calmer now when the doctor had said Andrea was alright after all. Some broken ribs and bruises, and she would probably wake up soon.
When the doctor and the nurses left we were all still standing there.
- I’m Emma, thank you very much for your suppo…
For the first time the woman looked up and noticed who was standing there.
- Oh sweet Lord! She bursted, watching who grinned, probably very used to being recognized this way.
It turned into evening at the hospital. Emma sat beside her daughter’s bed with a little more colour in her face. I knocked on the door and opened it slightly. The little girl was awake and looked so small.
- Is she ready for some more company? I asked Emma who just smiled and nodded slightly. Andrea was apparently a little Westlife fan and Emma had asked them to come to visit when she was stronger.
I opened the door some more to let the lads through. They approached carefully and Andrea’s eyes got bigger for each man who entered the little room. They had bought flowers and a teddy bear from the gift shop for her. and I stood in the door watching the sweet scene. The little girl looked like a whole different person than the little ghost I’d seen twenty minutes ago. Her big eyes glittered when the boys sang her favourite song, Unbreakable and kissed her forehead. She was overwhelmed by the sudden attention she got from her idols. They had let her talk to them and hugged her until a nurse came in and asked us to leave.
- Poor girl. said when we all sat in a pub having a Guinness
- Yeah, but you guys surely made her day. I said.
- I’m tired. yawned and drank his beer.
A little cloud worry popped up in my mind. We would fly over to Ireland so the lads could have a week off. To fly wasn’t really my biggest wish at the moment. The shows in Glasgow would be prominent.
- Don’t you worry about the flight, we're gonna get home and just do nothing at all, you can stay with me, is still in Spain. He grinned.
It actually sounded very nice.
We stayed at a hotel right by the airport. I couldn’t sleep, I was too anxious about the flight the next day.
- You made that girl happy today. I said knowing weren’t asleep either.
- Yeah, she was brilliant.
- Are you also afraid for tomorrow’s flight? I asked him and he turned to me.
- You afraid?
- Uh, yeah! Is that so weird?
- No, but don’t worry. What are the odds that we would crash twice?
- Pretty low but still…
We had decided that I would go with him to . It had been his idea and he seemed so excited about it. I was slightly worried about that as well. His wife would be there and his family and… his life outside the one I was so used to. How would things turn out? Was it so good that I went with him? All though, I would probably be more worried if I didn’t go with him.
The morning after was everything but fun. We were all tired for not been sleeping much. Jo and had been calling among everyone else in our families. They were going back to Sweden not knowing they would be able to be back for the rest of the tour. was going with to his house. She seemed exited about it and I couldn’t say anything, I was doing the same, being the ‘dirty mistress’. I didn’t like it but acted like it was normal so I played along.
’s house was the biggest one I had ever been inside. It was so gorgeous with a fountain in the parking lot. It just got better when we got inside. It took him about twenty minutes to show me around. I got the feeling that I was having a tour in a small hotel. We went past one door and just ignored it. I had a feeling that I knew what was in there. It made me uncomfortable.
- What do you think? He asked and sat down in one of his back arm chairs in the living room.
- It’s awesome! I said and touched the fire place. laughed a little.
- Come here. He said and I went to sit next to him in the big cosy chair.
- What are you thinking about, you seem a bit lost? He asked me.
- I don’t know. I’m happy, you know, we made it through the accident and all. But as much as I’d like to, I don’t really feel at home here, you know what I mean.
He nodded.
- Is it because of…
- Yes, of course it is. I said before he said her name.
- Let’s not think about it.
- You’re gonna have to meet her.
- I know, talk things through. Get a fair ending. But not now.
- This is not really taking things slow… I said and laughed.
- No, we agreed like five times to take it slow, but never stick to it and now you’re at my house.
- How does it feel having me here then?
- Good. Very good. I guess it’s impossible for me to take things slow with you.
The big black gate was like a vision.
- Malahid 43. The driver said and paid. I just sat there inspecting the great house. had to take my hand to get my attention. I took my bag and we went in.
- You like it? He asked and I dropped my bag on the floor.
- It’s wonderful. I said and started to guide myself through the room.
- I even got my own pub. He grinned and opened a slide door.
- You surely have!
- Come on, it’s late and I’m tired. He said and I followed him upstairs. It looked like some kind of museum and it was huge.
threw himself on a big bed. On each side of it I saw night stands and on the other side a chair with a night gown neatly hanging over it. I left it with my gaze quickly but saw a picture on the night stand with and probably ten years ago standing there hugging. It was a lovely picture and a pain grew inside of me.
- Stop that. said and pulled me into the bed. I suddenly felt very unease. Everything reminded me that I shouldn’t be here. I didn’t have the right to be here. It was someone elses sheats. I ran up from the bed.
- What’s wrong? asked.
- Sorry , this is just not right. I’ll take the couch downstairs.
- Damn it, don’t think about it. She’s not even here.
- Oh yes she is here. She’s everywhere in this room!
He went quiet and without a word I left the room.
I lay there with a quilt over me. My clothes were on a chair. The couch was very comfortable but the thoughts in my head didn’t stop spinning and kept me from falling asleep. I knew he wasn’t asleep either because I heard the shower from upstairs. One part of me just wanted to run up there to him but I stayed. Suddenly I heard his steps in the stairs. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. He went up to me and sat down on the couch. I squinted to get a careful look at him and hoped that the darkness would keep him from discover that. The moonlight lit up his beautiful face and I swallowed hard. He stroke his hand over mine and the sleeve of his robe tickled my fingers and I had to fight an urge to move. Suddenly I felt his lips on mine and I opened my eyes again. He jerked and leaned back again and let go of my hand. I sat up and wrapped the quilt around me.
- , please. His hand slid in under the quilt and made me shiver with pleasure.
- … this is really not a good time for that. I said but he didn’t stop, instead he moved closer and sat under the quilt himself. I let my hand rest on his shoulder and we sat like that for a long time.
I woke up in a huge bed. Not in ’s bedroom but in one of his guest rooms. We didn’t really feel like sleeping in his regular bedroom. The morning sun shone through the thin curtains. The window was slightly open and let in the birds tweets and the scent of summer rain. I took a deep breath and reached out my arm to touch but he wasn’t there. I frowned and got up. I put on a simple dress and went to look for him. I heard voices from downstairs and froze.
- This is not the best time! I heard say. We’re just here to recover from the accident!
- This is my house too!
- I don’t understand why you’re being like this for. We agreed…
- I know! But don’t you have second thoughts?
- I told you! No! I’m happy with the way things are. Now can you please leave?
- How can you say that, after everything we have been through?
- We have been through way too much. I’m done ! Please leave, ’s up there, I don’t want her to be more bothered by you than she already is.
- Oh, poor little slag. said with poisoned irony.
- Who do you call slag? I asked and made my way down the stairs.
turned around since he stood with his back to me.
- ! I’m sorry, she just showed up and… He started.
- You don’t need to be sorry. I said never leaving with my gaze.
- So you're gonna spend the rest of your life with that. What the hell can she give you and how old is she? Twelve? kept on.
- She gives me a lot. Please leave. said before I could talk back.
- No, I’m not leaving. This is my house too. Not hers! She can have you, fine but the house…
- Okay. just said and turned to me again.
- Go get your stuff, we’re leaving. He said.
- What!? I blurted, surprised that he had given in so easily.
- Do as I say. He said with a low voice that made me immediately do as he said.
I quickly packed our stuff and went down.
- Good, come on. He said. was not in the hallway but I heard her in the kitchen.
- You’re just gonna leave her here? I asked.
- Yes, I can’t deal with this now. He said and grabbed a bag.
- When then?
- , please.
- Damn it …
- Later, now come on. He hissed and we went out.
He led me to the garage where he had his cars.
- I always knew you would bring home a groupie sooner or later. I heard call from the door.
I felt the rage bubble up inside me and I turned to go over there and kick her ass but who knew me quite well by now reacted faster and grabbed me.
- Go to hell . He just snarled behind gritted teeth while almost throwing me inside the car.
He sat beside me and started it. We were silent when we were out on the road. had called his parent to tell them we were coming.
- Do they know about us and our situation?
- I tell them everything, .
- I see and how do they feel?
- They’re okay with it. He said but I wasn’t really comfortable with that answer.
Almost two months ago he had had a wife. Now he was with me and hadn’t even signed the divorce papers yet and now we were about to go meet the folks.
I was quiet, still waiting for him to say anything but the words never came. His hand was still in mine and it burned like fire.
- .
- What?
- Nothing. I said and looked away.
- No, tell me.
- Let’s have some sleep. I said and shivered when he lay down next to me in the couch. His hair was still wet and his scent came over me like a wave of emotions.
- Good morning. I woke up to see sit next to me with a tray with breakfast on.
I smiled and tried not to look at his bare chest.
- You shouldn’t dress like that. Bad things can happen. I said and started to kiss his collar bone.
- And you should know better then do like that. He said.
I took the tray from him and put it on the floor and pulled him into the couch.
- Don’t do that.
- What? I asked and let my lips tickle his neck.
- That…
- , did you just groan?
- Me? Never.. oh no don't stop.
- Liar. I grinned and let my hand slid down his body but as soon as I was near his good parts I let go of him and reached for the tray.
- You must be kidding me! He complained and I gave him a look while sipping on my juice.
- What are you talking about? I asked and tried to look interrogative.
- You know what I'm talking about!
I ignored him and took a bite of a melon.
- You let me suffer; now it's your turn. He whispered and kissed my shoulders.
I coughed and forced my face not to show him what I felt.
- I know you want me, you just can't resist me.
- Okay okay you got me!
- Good, so maybe you can put that away? He said and pointed at the glass in my hand.
- With pleasure.
- What are you watching? Soccer? I sat down in the couch and watched the TV.
- You're wet. He mumbled without letting go of the TV with his eyes.
- Really? I said sarcastically and hugged the towel.
- Who's playing?
- Ireland, Holland.
I followed the ball while letting my head rest on ’s shoulder. He looked at me and made a face.
- Where did you find that towel, tell me it shrunk in the wash!
In the same second the door bell echoed through the house. flew up.
- Stay here. He said and went for the door. I sat in the couch quiet as a mouse.
- Can I come in? I heard someone say.
- Eehhm, well I was just on my way out, have been alone all day. sounded slightly panicky.
- Oh well, let's watch the game together. The guy said and the Irish accent filled the room.
- No... ehhm, let's take a walk. almost yelled.
I heard steps approach and I dove into the sofa trying to hide myself.
- So you have been alone all day, buddy?
I looked up embarrassed trying to hide as much as possible in the mini towel I had found. I met the man’s gaze and I blushed when I saw who it was. Right in front of me Ronan Keating stood with a surprised grin on his face. This ain’t happeing!
Ronan coughed and puffed .
- And who the hell is this?
- It's really not what it looks like.
- Hey you know me, you don’t have to lie.. Sorry. Ronan by the way.
He reached out for me and I shook his hand without telling him mine.
- Could you give me a call later, I guess I'm leaving. Ronan said and left.
- Sorry. I muttered and got up from the couch.
- Not your fault.
- I think I should go get dressed.
- Mhm. He just said.
- I'm so sorry , I truly am.
- Don't be.
Chapter 18:
- You must be .
We had arrived later that morning to a wonderful house with a big yard and a woman who came down to meet us at the car. I figured that must he his mother.
- Yeah. I said nervously and took her hand.
- , ’s mother. She smiled.
- Hello… I said awkwardly. saved me when he gave his mother a hug and a kiss.
- Oh my poor baby. She said and touched ’s forehead covered with a big patch.
- You must be hungry! She said and grabbed my hand. took my other hand to calm me.
We came inside and I saw ’s boyhood home. I felt safe at once stepping inside. On the beautiful bureau I found a lot of pictures of him and his siblings.
- You're adorable! I said picking up a picture of him at the age of maybe two. He smiled.
- I look like a troll in that hair.
- A very sweet one. I said.
He leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I made it short and took a step back. He frowned.
- You alright?
- Yes.
He didn’t have time to ask me anymore when a man came down the stairs.
- Look who finally decided to show up!
- . smiled and the brothers encircled each other
. - Meet . said and turned to me.
- Oh hi. said like he was speaking to a birdeen and reached out his hand. I smiled and took it.
- It’s nice to meet you.
- She’s beautiful, . said.
- I know. He said and smiled at me.
- So what are you doing home? asked. Don’t tell me your Trudy…
- Yeah, she got mad again. You see… said and turned to me.
- My wife has a tendency to send me back home to my parents when she gets mad at me.
- And those things happen like twice per month. laughed.
- For how long are you guys gonna stay? asked.
- For a couple of days, we have to get back to work next week. answered
- Right and how do you feel then? asked and touched ’s forehead.
- I’m fine. said evasively.
- Man, it could have gone real bad, aye. said and looked at me.
- Anyone’s hungry? asked from the kitchen.
- Where's dad? asked with scrambled eggs in his mouth.
- He’s in golfing with Carl. said drinking her coffee.
- Isn't that your native country? ’s brother asked.
- Yes it is. I said and noticed how short spoken I was.
We sat there for a while talking about the rest of the family, my family and ’s childhood.
- Would you like to see my room? asked when was in the middle of a story about when got haunted by a rooster in his youngest years.
- Sure. I laughed and took his hand.
- Heeeey little one, mum wasn't finished yet! laughed after us.
- They always do that, because I'm the little one in the family. smiled.
- That’s sweet. I said.
He opened a door to his room. It was a simple bed in the middle of the room. A lot of pictures hung on the walls and I looked at them.
- You seem to like photos. said.
- Of you. I smiled at him.
- Come here. He said and patted on the bed where he sat.
- Are you okay? He asked me.
- I think your mum, your big brother and your house are just wonderful!
- And what about this morning when…
- I try not to think about it.
- Don't look at me like that. He said while he tied his shoes.
-What are you going to tell him? I asked.
- Take it easy, , he's my friend, better talk to him now then let him tell anybody about what he saw yesterday.
I couldn’t believe my ears but he just patted my arm.
- You can come with me, it's not too late.
- That is defiantly not a good idea.
It was enough that he already knew who I was.
- Make yourself at home; I won’t be away for long. He said and closed the door.
I looked around. Pictures, vases and other knickknacks filled the house. When I was alone I felt pretty lost in the homish house. I lay down on the couch and watched on a movie. Suddenly I heard a dog bark outside. I got a bad feeling.
I heard a key and the next second a wet tongue hit my face.
- , babe! Are you home?
I froze when I heard ’s voice. I sat there like a stick not knowing what the hell to do.
The dog barked again and jumped up next to me.
- Quiet, Keano! She went into the room and both of us stiffened at the sight of each other.
- What the hell are you doing in here? She blurted like she didn’t know whether to cry or yell.
- Where’s ? She asked without even giving me a chance to answer her first question.
- I can explain.... he's with… I started but she just turned around and ran off.
- …Ronan. I finished quietly. I tried to understand what just happened. My whole body just wanted to do like her. Run off, pack my bags and leave but instead I just sat there with the dog in my knee.
After a few minutes came back in with close to her heels. It seemed like the storm was over.
- I'm so sorry... when I saw you here I thought... Eehmm well you know… Oh, can't believe I really fell for that. I feel so embarrassed. said. I looked at and wondered what the hell he had foisted her with.
- Baby don't think about it. said and embraced her. It felt like a stab in my heart but I forced a smile.
- Ooo poor girl. said and approached and sat down by me in the couch.
- I was so scared when I heard about the accident, I'm glad you both are okay. I think it was a wonderful idea of to let you stay with his family. His mother will take care of you.
I looked up and tried to catch ’s eyes but he ignored me.
- I'll drive her over so we can spend some time together just you and me. He said to
. - I feel sorry for her . said and pulled in ’s sleeve. It crawled inside of me when she pouted her mouth like that just like I weren’t there.
Actually it was really pity about her; the whole situation was so clear right in front of her but she just closed her eyes for the reality. You would have to look for a long time before finding a more naïve person.
- You're more than welcome to stay here with us these days, isn't she, ! said and he shrugged.
- Ooh we're gonna have so much fun together, I'll show you Dublin and the best shops.
- Nooo no, no, you two should be alone. I protested and bit my lip.
Two hours later I lay tucked into the couch. As usual I had let myself get convinced. I felt so guilty that I didn’t protest. Just when I was about to turn out the light a picture fell down on the floor. I picked it up and it was a card. I turned it and it was something written on it.
Dear !
You are the most significant person in my life,
My dearest friend, The person who knows me better then I know myself
When I’m with you I feel complete.
We are not always able to spend as much time together as we like to.
But when we are together, It’s like we never have been apart.
Being with you makes me smile.
I love you for being the wonderful person that you are and the beauty
You bring into my life just being there.
I love you for your acceptance of me, even when you don’t agree
with my actions or decisions.
I love you for all the love and fun we have shared the last couple of years.
But most of all for being a wonderful person and wife.
Never let anything come between us!
Love Always //
The tears flew down my face and I threw the card away. I had never thought about what they had behind them and what I was about to destroy. I couldn’t stay.
I woke up. It was still dark outside. I watched the time, it was four thirty in the morning. I turned to . He was awake as well. I sat up and he jerked by the sudden movement.
- You awake? He whispered.
- No... I just felt for a sleepwalk. I said sarcastically and he grinned in the darkness.
- What are you thinking about? I asked him.
- Us.
- Tell me then.
He took a deep breath.
- These weeks have been very strange.
- Yes I know we spoke about it. I said, afraid of what he was going to say.
- All my feelings just turned into a new direction, I don't know what's happening. It’s scary.
- I know. With you having a wife and all...
- ! He sat up. This has nothing to do with her. I know it’s hard to believe but it’s true.
- What were you thinking about then?
- Nothing special.
- I knew it! I knew that the moment we would come here, back to reality, you would start hesitate.
- No, !
- Then what?
- Nothing, it’s just scary. There are so many feelings in me for you that I don’t know what to do.
- It was you who invited me here!
- I know. Maybe it was stupid…
I turned away from him so that he wouldn’t see my tears welling down my face. I lay down and he did too.
The next morning I woke up pretty late. wasn’t there. I didn’t expect anything else. I went down the stairs. The house was empty. had left me a note.
I'm out for shopping, this is my number. If you wish to see , you might wait for a while. He's out with Leo (Leo?) And judging by that face I saw this morning, he needs to be alone for a while.
Alone. Now I really was unsure. I sat down in a couch and looked into nothing. Was he having doubts? Of course he did! I had anticipated this from the beginning since he was married. I knew he told me all the time that I shouldn’t worry, but how could I not? He didn’t even know me nine weeks ago and now he was about to divorce her for me. I got scared. I didn’t want him out of my life. He was the best thing in it, the love of my life. He can’t leave me, it can’t happen! But what am I supposed to do? I can’t force him to stay. I put on the radio and it played Stay by Alison Krauss. It made me cry.
I sat there crying until I felt hungry and went to make a sandwich. Then I took a shower and got dressed. Jeans and a white top. I put on some make up and perfume. I looked at the bottle had given me and smiled slightly and put it back in my bag.
I just couldn’t be inside this house any longer so I turned off the radio and went outside to go wait for the man that I love to make up his mind whether he wants me or not. I went towards the pen where horses feed. I saw a bright white mare look at me and I called her. After a while she came up to me.
- Hey beautiful. I whispered and caressed her muzzle.
I stood there talking to her for a while until I heard hoofs behind me. I turned around and there he was on top of a huge black horse who must be Leo. I put my hands on my hips to face him with the mares’ giant head over my shoulder.
- She never lets anyone touch her. She must like you. said and dismounted.
I didn’t answer him. Just turned my face to her. He took off his helmet.
He wore black jeans and a pretty ugly dark green fleece sweater. His hair was messy and his cheeks were rosy from the ride. He was gorgeous.
- I’m sorry for last night.
- How many times are you gonna be sorry for last night until you make up your mind?
- , I would search for thousands of years until I meet somebody like you again! I want you, don’t you see that? I’m just freaked out by all these feelings and…
- Okay, but you know so am I! But I don’t hesitate.
- , I…
- I believe it’s my turn to be alone. I said coolly and went off leaving him and the horses behind.
The rain fell down around me and I pulled my feet under me in the little bus shelter. A little puddle had gathered near me and the water splashed up on me. The streets were empty and besides the street lights there was complete darkness. Despite the summer night it was freezing outside. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about the coldness. I had no idea where to go. The warm tears made my face even wetter and I heartbroken kicked my bag. I just wanted to go home to my own bed and forget all about this. It had begun so well and now everything was just a mess. I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish the tour. I knew I didn’t want to get more involved with than I already was. He had a great life with his wife. I thought about and hoped she had a better time. At least didn’t have a wife who cared but … she cared for him and as much as I hated her guts and her perfect nails I couldn’t deny that.
I was about to call but it was in the middle of the night, maybe they weren’t asleep but I didn’t want to interrupt. I leaned back and closed my eyes to get some sleep. I was exhausted.
I shuddered and opened my eyes. My arms ached and I was all stiff for sitting here all night. My mobile was ringing. The display said . All my being just wanted to pick up but I just let it ring. The signals decreased but soon enough it started to ring again. I looked at it and saw that it was .
- . I answered and tried to keep my voice steady.
- Where the hell are you? called and is worried sick about you. He has been around looking for you all night! For God’s sake tell me where you are!
- I’m fine, . I smiled slightly and tried to get some warmth in my blue lips.
- I'm not that sure I believe you. Where are you? I'll come and pick you up.
Without any protest I gave him the address and less than half an hour he was there. He embraced me with big fraternal love.
- God, you're colder than Snowman himself! You lucky I came here yesterday to start the planning of the schedule changes.
I couldn’t feel my fingers and not long after I lay in his couch with some tea.
Chapter 19
I walked away from him with angry steps. I didn’t care about his sweet talk. I was scared too! Scared that he would come to his senses and leave me and his words didn’t really comfort those feelings. I went down to the beach. It wasn’t very sunny but still beautiful and the wind grabbed my hair. It was beautiful. I had never seen Ireland like this.
- You know you look like a nymph standing here.
I closed my eyes, I would recognize that voice everywhere. He had followed me. I turned around to look at him.
- Looks like you’re waiting for a man to approach so you can tempt him down the ocean depth. I looked at him.
- Be careful, I might just do that. I muttered and he came up to me.
- , I’m sorry!
- Oh stop saying that already. For what?
- For me. For what I said yesterday about it was stupid that I brought you here. It’s not like that at all! I don’t want you to think I’m falling out of love with you. I’d never. Please believe me.
I really wanted to believe him but it was so hard to buy that he could possibly feel as strong for me as I did for him. I told him that.
- Why? He asked.
- For a start, you haven’t even talked to a lawyer about a divorce...
- I have! I did this morning. I was about to tell you but…
- And …?
- She’s more than happy to sign the papers now as long as she gets the house and alimony. She’s got Charlie now and that fact doesn’t bother me even a bit! I’m telling you, forget about her! I have. As soon as I made up my mind I did. All I’m saying is that my feelings for you are so strong I don’t want to mess things up by rushing things but as soon as I stop thinking I just act!
- You won’t mess things up! Just stop being all hysterical!
- I just don’t know what to do with myself. God, every time I see you I want to do something for you! I want you near me all the time and it drives me nuts!
- But what did you mean by maybe it was stupid to bring me here?
- I don’t know! Maybe I feel guilty. My parents had just gotten to sort of like and then I just break it and bring you into my life. Maybe because I just brought you here without even asking how you felt. Maybe I was too eager to show you to everyone that I brought you here even before the divorce is done. Maybe I should have worked things out before we…
I put my finger on his lips to make him stop talking.
- I get it! I said and he sighed with relief. I removed my finger still looking at him.
- Try to calm down. Things will work out. So many things have happened and I understand you’re confused, so much more than I am. But you will have to get a grip. You’re in the middle of the divorce as we speak. Your parents will survive and like you said so will . And I… I went closer to him and put my lips lightly on his and said:
- I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than here with you.
I kissed him and he breathed out and relaxed while caressing my hair. When I finished the kiss his eyes were still closed and I kissed him again and pulled him into a warm hug.
We stayed in that night. had gone home and made us a lovely dinner. Just the three of us sat in the dining room talking and having a lovely time. Me and went to bed after watching a movie and had sweet sex for hours before we all exhausted fell asleep in each others arms.
The next morning I woke up by my phone ringing. I was so tired I didn’t even open my eyes to see who it was.
- Yeah… I murmured. was still asleep next to me.
- Hey , I'm glad you answered!
- , why the hell are you calling me this early?
- It’s eleven thirty, darling. What the hell did you do last night?
I just smirked into my pillow still having my eyes closed.
- Oh God, I don’t wanna know. Bet it was awesome… Look I found sitting in a bus stop... she has been there all night!
- Wait, what? Why? I woke up slightly.
- Probably something with .
- Put her on.
took the phone again after I had told everything. She thought it was great I had left. Maybe not in the middle of a rainy night, but at least she got it. I also told her that I was giving up on him. It was just not worth it.
- So you’re not coming with us on tour? She had asked me.
- No, at least not until I’m completely over him. But I will of course come to see you at Croke Park! And that’s not for another three weeks. Maybe I will be over him by then.
- Have you talked to him?
- No. I think he gets that I don’t really want to get more involved. He made his choice. He made that perfectly clear yesterday. Don’t worry. I’ll get over him.
I would get over him. It had been an eventful couple of months and some had handled it better than others. had probably handled it the worst. I didn’t hate him. I didn’t hate . I would probably talk to him in the future. But I had to be over him to do that. I could obviously not come with them on tour. and wouldn’t come either. They had missed home a lot and they had their ordinary jobs and lives to go back to. Of course they would also come to see and Westlife for the last show in Dublin and we would probably party with the lads afterwards.
It’s been two months that I’ll never forget. Even though I got my heart broken by several times and gone through a horrible accident, I would go home with actually good memories. The laughs we had shared together and with the boys. All the fun people we had met. The crew. The live band. All the crazy nights out. I would definetally miss it.
drove me to the airport. I couldn’t wait to get home, back to my life where everything was safe. It was time to wake up from my dream and go back to reality.
I certainly would miss but I got a feeling that she would be taken cared of. The way looked at her. I knew she was in good hands. She was far away from waking up from her dream. It had just started.
For me this was the end. I felt good about it though. When I sat on the plane seeing the fields of Sweden below me I felt happy to be home again.
was on her way back home. and wouldn’t come back to the tour. It was sad. I missed my girls already. would probably go back to hiring girls from the line every show from now on this year. It was only three weeks left. Then I would stand in front of 85.000 people supporting Westlife and my family and friends would all be here.
and I had talked. Talked and making love, talked and making love, making love and talked.
It would probably take a few months before the divorce was fully complete. All though the rumours had been out there for nearly a month now already, all the fans knew about us and soon enough the press would. During the tour up till now we hadn’t really been discrete about us being in love so we didn’t expect the following weeks to be easy. We would just have to see what happens and deal with it until things calmed down. We decided to be as subtle as possible. People would accept us soon enough and stop asking.
We went back to work. We started where the schedule told us to and it was decided to take on the cities that had been missed after the show at Croke Park.
The first show I was supporting Westlife was in Newcastle. I was so nervous I could barely stand straight. When I came up on stage the fans didn’t cheer much for me. I didn’t except it either. They had probably gotten that I was ’s new girl and I was not going to talk about it. I was here to sing and that’s what I was going to do.
- Hey everyone. Hope you’re allright. My first song I wrote a few years back and now I finally got the chance to show it for you. Hope you like it.
After that song people actually cheered. They did so after each song and the screams got louder and louder. Soon it seemed like they had forgotten all about me being the stupid blonde that dated .
After the fourth and last song I smiled at them.
- Thank you so much. Wow, I didn’t really expect this respond. I’m not going to let you wait any more. So I’m leaving the stage for Westlife! How about that?
The screams got louder and I bowed and left the stage. met up with me back stage. He kissed me and twirled me around.
- I’m so unbelievably God damn freaking proud of you! He said and kissed me.
The fans grew fonder of me and for the last show in Dublin I had even gotten my own little group of fans and some banners. It was unbelievable, this ocean of people standing before me watching me perform. By now I had gotten more secure on stage and I could really enjoy the feeling of being up here. My girls and family were seated right by the stage where all the families and friends sat. had met my family before the show and to my joy they went along just great. They loved him.
After my gig met me as always to kiss me and tell me how proud he was.
- Now you go up there and show them how it’s done. I smiled still holding him closely.
- Are you going to watch?
I nodded.
- Of course I am, good luck, babe. Break a leg. I winked.
- You’ve said that once before. You remember?
- I do. Not long ago.
- I love you so much!
- I love you too!
It was so wonderful finally meeting my family and my girls. and had talked and became friends again and I couldn’t wait to gather us all again to be the same vociferators we used to be. I sat there watching living his dream and knew that I would never let him go. And for the first time I was completely certain that he felt the same and that made me the happiest girl on earth.
The End
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